Monday, July 22, 2013

Life Isn't Fair

Life isn't fair but it's still good.  I know not to waste my time or energy on something I can't control yet I still have days where I get caught up in the pain and fatigue.  I am starting to do some research on RA drugs so I won't talk to my rheumatologist about changing drugs completely blind on my upcoming visit.  Fatigue continues to hammer me, especially on work days.  I feel like I am going sideways with my current treatment, I just want to find a medicine that gets me back to feeling like doing things again.  Donna recently said, "I know you aren't feeling good ... you've not been riding much".

I got to spend the day with my daughter last Tuesday.  She has her own photography business and wanted to go with me to shoot a 110 year old iron truss bridge.  While I was shooting it from strictly an amateur angle, she sees and shoots things differently.  I have not seen her images yet, she has been busy editing shoots for money (those take priority over personal shoots).  We have been in extreme heat for a while so the thunderstorm that rolled in while we were there was very welcome.  

I did get out for a short ride yesterday and even though it was a paltry 80 miles, it felt so good.  I have said it before, riding is my therapy.  I don't know how those of you who don't ride cope.  I know we all have different releases but I feel so alive and free when riding.  I rode through the outer edge of a small town at sundown and rode up on three wiener dogs self absorbed playing together in the road.  I slowed to 15 mph as I approached them and was about 20 feet away when they saw me.  One dove to the left while the other two scampered right as quickly as their short little legs would carry them and watched me as I motored slowly by them.  Fun dogs as we have adopted Aprils (Donnas co-worker) dachshund Sonny.  What a live wire with a stubborn streak!  haha  Sonny is a champion tennis ball chaser, never seen a dog so crazy about tennis balls before. 

Sometimes its just the little things that help you through a tough time.  You just have to be smart enough to recognize them and not brush them off.  Hope everyone is having a fun summer.


Kim said...

Hi Terry,
Sorry to hear your RA is wanting to steal the show.

I understand about the riding. It was so hot here last week, that I didn't feel I should ride. The weather finally broke on Saturday so I decided to take a ride. I hurt quite a bit but decided to ride anyway. I swear it is medicinal. The pain became like white noise and I had a really good ride. 200 miles. Is it the adrenaline - I just don't know. But I did say to myself after about 20 miles - this is just what the doctor ordered.

I think our mental state does have an affect on the disease. I just get grumpy when the RA prevents me from doing the things I enjoy. So . . . I fed my soul and left the dirty laundry and dishes behind and the million other things I can't keep up on anymore.

I hope you start feeling better and can get some rides in.
Take care,

joan said...

I hope you find a treatment that helps you find your way back to normal, or as close to normal as possible.

I think our spouses just know when we are not well. I might never say anything, but my husband picks up on it. When I'm in pain, I get very quiet and he notices.

I don't ride, but I swim and I lose myself in the water and the clouds that drift above my backyard as I float on my back. I also find that feeling of being alive when I can run. said...

The meds sometimes just fizzle out over time. I am so sorry to read that you are feeling down right crummy and so tuckered out. I truly hope you find the magic bullet again and you can ride off into the sunset with your camera slung over your shoulder.

Terry said...
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Terry said...

Hey Kim, I had been wondering about you. thats awesome, only someone else who rides truly understands! Our mental state is huge in dealing with RA. Dirty laundry and dishes can wait! I have a couple of overnighters that I'm doing this fall whether I feel up to it or not. Keep riding!

Joan, I think you're right. They know us without us saying anything. Donna can tell by just watching me move and walk how I;m doing. I really miss our swimming pool that we had at our old house. We opted for a hot tub when we built this house and I;m glad we have it ... but I still miss the pool. (Not the upkeep though) I would love to be able to run again but right now I'm happy just still walking.

Hello Deb!! Yes they do, but I really hate switching meds and hoping the new one will work. It can be rather stressful. Thanks!!

mary said...

Sorry to hear the RA's got you down. I fully understand. This summer has been an exercise in pain for me also. Flare, flare, and flare for the last 3 months. Of course the week I went to the doctor it settled a bit. She wants to wait another 3 months to see if a new med she gave me 2 months ago will kick in. There goes summer. Just cancelled a bike tour I have been wanted to do for a long time. No sense in going if I have to ride the pain train on every ride for 7 days. Maybe I will be able to do my screw you RA ride in Sept. If not there is always next summer.

I think it is important to take your advice and remember that it can always be worse and to appreciate what we have. I know I have gone through this many times before and it will pass but boy you’re right, it runs you down.

Feel better soon! Hope your doc comes up with a good med cocktail for you. Hmmm cocktail, a cocktail maybe that’s the ticket!! Be well and ride safe

Terry said...

Hello Mary, the very same thing (with the same outcome) happened to me on my last rheumatologist visit. Any time you feel better is good but you've got to be kidding me ... you give me a good week when I am seeing my doctor? I hate to hear you cancelled your tour but I'm hoping you will be up for a good long FURA ride later this summer or fall.

I am sure we will come up with something different ... whether it works well or not, we'll see. A frozen margarita does sound good with all of the heat we have had!

Cathy said...

For me, it is always the small things that keep me going. I hope you get out and ride this weekend.

Brian G. said...

When we were born, no one promised us that life would be fair :) But you have a great attitude.

By the way, great photos. One day, if your daughter shoots the same bridge with an old Mamiya medium format camera, it would look even better. Just tell her to see her re-action.

All the best

Terry said...

Thank you Cathy.

Brian, Thanks! Haha, she knows about film. I have a Yashica Mat-124 that she has played with a little bit. My wife and I were both into photography years ago, I had my own darkroom set up for a few years. My daughter enjoys looking through my old slides I have also. An art lost in time (and technology).

Autumn Bowman said...

i couldn't imagine living with something like this,but i pray things get better for you. However i loved how you still think about the good things in life and that even though you can't control some things you can still make the best of everything.

Terry said...

Thank you for the awesome comment Autumn! Things actually are going better for me right now than when I posted this. I just got back in from a 3 day ride and while yes ... I am hurting, it was nice to feel up to doing such a ride. I hope you will check back in.